May

is national masturbation month...

but for this dog....

...every month is national masturbation month. we blame the owners for neglecting her.

It all started as a young pup. Miss Parker was the cutest of her time and destine for royalty! But instead she ended up in a double wide trailer with two overly clingy little girls.


Some time went by and at first it started out little. We [the owners] started calling her Parker instead of Miss Parker! She didn't feel she was getting attention as much as a dog of her status should. soon Miss Parker had no where to turn, she was like hooked on drugs with no drug dealer in town. when people would come over she wouldn't leave them alone. when a hand was near the floor, Parker was there! when feet would hang over the side of chairs, Parker was there! she would move herself back and forth under the limp body part as a way of making you scratch her. it wasn't so bad i mean we didn't have to do any work and Parker got petted.

one day Parker was rubbing her back on my foot as i watched television. she was pleased that her "hot spot" was getting scratched and was making some noises. joking around my mom said "she's like masturbating on your foot"

.... um... EW!
so from now on Parker cant even do that because it reminds me of masturbation!